So last night one of my good friend friended Mr. Big on facebook. Now I don't care that she did that, if she wants to talk to him, I can't stop her. But what did bother me was she just did it, started talking to him, and then told me about it. She knows that things are complicated for me with him, but it seemed as though she didn't give a shit about that. She just did what she wanted to without even thinking about how it would effect me. Then she couldn't understand why I stopped talking to her. (I stopped talking so I wouldn't say something that I would end up regretting later.)

So later on Mr. Big and I were talking like we have everyday for the past... um... three months? Something like that... But he was drinking and he started talking and such and he said how he felt like no one cared about him, and i ended up telling him that i did just because he was drunk and i figured that he wouldn't remember in the morning and then i started asking how he felt back because he kept apologizing and i never got more then i know.... i'm sorry. So i highly doubt that Mr. Big has feelings for me. But if he doesn't, why the hell does he keep leading me on like this?!

So lately a lot of things have been piling up and I need to just get them out of my system. And I'm pretty sure that my best friend is probably tired of hearing about them lol. So yea, I figured that I would vent it here where people generally don't read this. So anyways... where to begin... Ok, so there is this guy that used to talk to me then stopped talking to me because I wouldn't give him the time of day. Which was nice, because my life was a lot less dramatic. Anyways, so yesterday he calls me up and I had forgotten who it was, since I deleted him out of my phone and didn't have his number memorized. Well, anyways, long story short he told me that he was in love with me. Which is bullshit. And is way to stressful for me, because part of me feels bad that he feels that way and part of me is pissed that he decides to tell me this. We never even dated!! How the hell can he feel that way? It makes no sense. grr... frustrating. Now he won't leave me the hell alone and it's pissing me the hell off. Life was so much calmer before he decided to do this. There's no point in it. And it's just annoying. Ok, next we have the guy that texts me at midnight or later only. Now, don't get me wrong, most of the time I am up this late anyways, so that's not annoying at all. In fact I rather it that late because people know that I'm not busy and they won't be interrupting anything. So that works out well. But it's when people bail constantly on plans. Now once in a while, totally understandable. Shit comes up, ya know it happens. It's called life. But when this person bails on plans all the time. That gets old after awhile. And now I feel like a chump for believing the same story over and over time and time again. It's honestly got to the point where I wait for this guy to either not text me back at all about it, or to feed me some story at like midnight. After awhile, this gets old and annoying. And in all honesty I'm pissed more at myself for going along with all of this for so long. It really is frustrating, annoying and a pain in the ass. I can't believe that I actually believe this time and time again. It's annoying, frustrating and I wish that this guy wouldn't say stuff he either isn't ready to act on or doesn't actually feel and is just fucking with my head. I don't enjoy games and I don't enjoy lies. Neither of which are appreciated and both are not tolerated. Anyways, next subject. I understand that some people have a lot going on in their lives, and I am totally here for these people when they want to talk about things. But if I have things going on, you better be willing to listen. It's annoying when I want to talk about something, and people change the subject to what they want to talk about without any regard as to what I am saying, well that shit just isn't cool at all. In fact it's down right a pain in the ass. So that just really needs to stop. And then we have the little things that add up. I don't care who is sleeping with who, who wants to sleep with who, and who isn't sleeping with who they should be. Drama isn't welcome in my world, in fact it is most unwelcome. I have enough going on

So the two nights after Mr. Big drunk texted me, he ended up texting me sober wanting to talk about what was said. It started out simple enough, he wanted to know how I reacted and it got to a point where I couldn't be the only one talking. So I asked if he meant what he'd said. He said that he does miss me sometimes, and that in itself kinda upset me, but not really too bad. I knew that something like this would happen and I kinda expected it. I'm not gunna lie, I was thrown that he did kinda mean it though. And the more we talked the more I realized that he thinks I'm not as ok now as I am. I'm not going to lie, when we first broke up, I was a total wreck. But now, it's almost three months later. I've had time to get over it. But he said that he thinks I need closure. And in all honesty I kinda had it before he told me that he missed me. So that's why I don't know what to think. Does he miss hanging out with me as a friend, or does he miss us. All the problems he told me about were related to my family, and they are crazy so I can kinda understand it. I just really need to talk to him about it, and in  all honesty I'm scared as hell to bring it up...